Adopting a Special Needs Child
The Rewarding Experience of Raising a Child with Physical Challenges
Nov 29, 2008
The largest group of children waiting to be adopted is children with special needs. Although some of the children who fall into this category are infants and toddlers, most are older or may be part of a sibling group. They may also be from a racial or ethnic minority or have been exposed to drugs or alcohol. Many have been the victim of parental neglect or abuse and suffer from physical, emotional and developmental problems.
Adopting toddlers and older children is very different from adopting an infant. Since older children have had many experiences in their lives, adoptive parents must have an especially high degree of maturity and flexibility to meet their needs. Older children are in desperate need of families who can form a lasting bond with them and give them the support they need. These children have been forgotten and left in the system and are often referred to as "waiting children."
Adopting a Special Needs Child
Like any child, a child with special needs brings his/her own particular joys and challenges to a family. Just as with other adoptions, there are many things to consider before beginning the adoption process. Many special needs children have been shifted from one family to the next. As a result, they have difficulties forming lasting relationships and find it hard to put their trust in people.
Although these children have no connection to their parents and may never have known them, they blame themselves for their problems and look for ways of taking out their anger and frustration. At the beginning of their placement there is often a probationary period, during which they'll put their new parents' patience, perseverance and parenting skills to the test. They figure they've been rejected and moved around so many times, they might as well get this placement over with as quickly as the can.
Common Mistakes When Adopting A Special Needs Child
When adopting a special needs child, adoptive couples may make mistakes such as:
- They underestimate the difficulty their child will have adjusting to his/her surroundings.
- They underestimate the amount of attention they'll need to devote to their child.
- They underestimate the strain it will have on their lifestyle and the sacrifices they'll have to make.
- They don't realize that finding the right parents for a child is more important that finding the right child for a set of parents.
- They believe a child's physical difficulties are more difficult to deal with than the child's emotional ones.
- They don't understand that adoption is a lifelong process,not an event.
- They're afraid to seek help when they really need it.
Choosing to adopt is a big decision to make, and apart from being rewarding and challenging, it is also life changing. Raising a child or youth with special needs brings joys and challenges. Before considering adopting a special needs child, it's important to evaluate yourself and decide whether you're up to the challenges – and there are many. Adoption is not always without problems; it is a lifelong process that requires a great deal of patience and skill. It's also important to be resourceful, tolerant and to offer your love unconditionally. Adopting a special needs child is a lifelong journey that is uniquely yours.
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