Adopting Another Child Into the Family
How to Prepare Other Adopted Children for a New Sibling
Oct 2, 2008
Adopting another child affects everyone in the adoptive family, especially the siblings. Even though having a new brother or sister means changes for families formed by birth, adoptive families have many more complex issues that may arise through the adoption process.
Talking About Adopting Another Child
According to a resource provided by Minnesota Adoption Support and Preservation, there are some key questions parents can ask their kids prior to the adoption of a sibling to help raise issues and resolve concerns early on.
- What does adoption mean?
- What do you know about the adoption process?
- Why is our family adopting?
- What do you think will be different after the adoption?
- What might be the same?
- What will be hard to talk about?
- Who can you talk to when it’s hard?
- What can’t you handle?
- What will happen if you hate it?
Every situation is different, however adopting another child into the family is oftentimes disruptive and may bring up adoption issues with the children already part of the family.
Preparing Children for an Adopted Sibling
Parents need to keep in mind that each child will have unique expectations of the new adoption and many children will need constant reassurance of their permanency in the adoptive family. For some ideas on how to prepare kids for the arrival of an adopted brother or sister consider the following:
- Read books together to initiate discussions and help kids understand the changing dynamics of adding to the family. Some recommended picture books are Emma’s Yucky Brother by Jean Little [Harper Collins, 2001], Waiting for May by Janet Morgan Stoeke [Dutton Juvenile, 2005], and Julius, The Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes [HarperTrophy, 1995].
- Think about extended family relationships and how interactions will change. Let kids know that grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives still love them, even if they are holding or playing with the new sibling. Talk to family members about the best ways to preserve special connections made with the children already part of the adoptive family.
- Make decisions on how to handle celebrations of the newest family member. Depending on age and personality, some kids will be happy to have everyone dote on the new sibling, whereas others may benefit from a special celebration of becoming a big sister, for example.
- Talk about commonalities and differences between the adoptions so that everyone understands how adoption is a special way of forming a family. It is also a good idea to bring out lifebooks to retell the adoption story of each child and reassure everyone of their place in the adoptive family.
- Include the siblings in a process to get ready for the new child. Let the kids make a gift for the new brother or sister, help get the room ready or plan a welcome celebration.
- Connect with other families who have more than one adopted child so the kids can learn from their experience.
- Plan individual alone time with the kids so they are reassured that they are special people who are deserving of their parents time.
Adopting another child into the family is a life changing experience for parents and siblings alike. Adopted kids are very resilient, but the best way to ensure the smoothest transition possible is by giving them the tools to adapt to the changes that will happen to their family by talking about adoption and preparing them for a new sibling.
Reference:
Fact Sheet on Preparing Birth/Previously Adopted Children for the New Adoptive Child, Minnesota Adoption Support and Preservation.
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