Adopting Kids with Developmental Disabilities
Challenges Faced by Adoptive Parents of Disabled Youth
Apr 23, 2009
Encouragingly, adopting children with special needs – once considered "hard to place" or "unadoptable" – has become the norm rather than the exception. Disabilities offer even greater challenges for adoptive families than for others. Ironically, those with disabilities comprise many of the hard-to-place children most available for adoption.
Between 30–50% of Children who are Awaiting Adoption Have a Developmental Disability
In a 1998 Adoption Quarterly article entitled “Successful Adoption of Children with Down Syndrome and other Developmental Disabilities”, L. M Glidden and B. M. Cahill estimate that between 30–50% of children who are awaiting adoption have a developmental disability. Their physical, cognitive and social characteristics may differ considerably. Each child's diagnosis and/or classification are coupled with their individual uniqueness. Children with developmental disabilities, like all children, benefit from the love and stability that come from belonging to permanent families.
On their own, children with developmental disabilities have a very hard time dealing with every day problems and are at greater risk of being teased, bullied or ill-treated. Sometimes children with a disability are not included in activities that they are able to do. Others may not notice what they can do, or make assumptions that the person can't do anything. There are many ways in which adoptive parents can help keep their disabled child safe:
- Teach your young people about sexuality and keeping safe. Young people with disabilities usually have the same sexual feelings and needs as other young people, but some may need more help to cope with them and express them appropriately. They may also be at more risk of abuse. Teach them how to say "No".
- Involve them in making decisions about their care and taking responsibility for it as much as they can.
- Give your child practice in doing things independently where possible – i.e. weekends in respite care, trips away, belonging to groups.
- Adolescence can present emotional problems for young people, as they want to be part of the group, but many find it impossible, or have many restrictions on what they can do. They will realise more and more the differences between them and their friends.
- Keep in mind that children with disabilities are at a higher risk of obesity than their non-disabled peers.
Developmentally Disabled Children Possess Strengths that are Often Overlooked
Frequently overshadowed by the wide range of physical and mental health issues, children with developmental disabilities possess a number of strengths and notable qualities.
Children who have moderate mental retardation and function in the trainable range may achieve self-maintenance in unskilled or semi-skilled work under sheltered conditions. They need supervision and guidance when under mild social or economic stress and must live in group homes, family situations or assisted living settings.
Children who have severe mental retardation may contribute partially to self-maintenance under complete supervision. They can develop self-protection skills in a controlled environment.
Every child is different and every disability is different, so how you cope will depend on your own particular situation. There are differences in the kind and severity of disability and also differences in experience of grief and ways of coping.
Often the stability and safety of an adoptive family can provide children with the healing atmosphere and loving ties that can change their lives.
Children with special needs deserve to have a loving, safe and permanent home. After all, disabled children can lead positive, happy lives and bring joy to themselves and many people. Quality of life is not about ability – all people have different abilities.
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