A lifebook is an excellent tool for building self-esteem and helping an adopted child understand the circumstances surrounding his adoption.
A lifebook is, simply put, the story of a child’s life. Beth O’Malley, in her book Lifebooks: Creating A Treasure For The Adopted Child [Adoption-Works Press, 2000], shares that when people ask her to explain what an adoption lifebook is, her first thought in reply to this question is to say that a lifebook is the “best gift in the world for an adoptee. It should be required for each adoption, just like the birth certificate.”
Beth O’Malley further explains that a lifebook for an adopted child or a foster child is a “security blanket, a concrete tool… a medium for one complete personal history. It promotes positive grasp of identity… It makes talking about adoption feel like everyday conversation. It promotes attachment.”
The lifebook is the child’s history explained in an easy to read, easy to understand format.
What a Lifebook Does for an Adopted Child
A lifebook is similar in many ways to a baby book that biological parents keep for their birth children. It lists the child's vital statistics: date, time, place, weight, length. It gives a chronological history of his firsts: first food, first tooth, first day of school.
However, a lifebook goes a step further. It fills in the blanks for the adopted child, like pieces to a puzzle. It gives as much history about the birth family, orphanage, previous foster families, and adoptive family as possible, and explains how he came into each situation. It conveys, on the child’s own level of understanding, the issues that led to his adoption in order to help him understand that he did nothing wrong, it wasn’t his fault. It reassures adopted children that they are loved and special.
Finally, by connecting all these pieces of the puzzle together for the child, he can then truly feel that he belongs to his adoptive family because, now, he can see the complete picture more clearly. It is a bonding experience between the adoptive parents and the adopted child. Creating a lifebook allows the adopted child to bond more fully to his adoptive family.
How to Get Started
There are ready-made lifebooks available, either online or in bookstores, to make creating a lifebook easier. However, it can be fun and rewarding to make one from scratch, and it’s easy!
The first step in creating a lifebook is to assemble the necessary tools. First, gather together the basic supplies:
- A 3-ring binder
- Lined or unlined paper—cardstock works well and is durable.
- Clear page protectors
- Pens and markers
A lifebook usually starts at the child’s birth and goes on chronologically from there. Here are some page ideas to begin with:
- Birth Information—time, date, weight, length, place.
- Birth mother and father information—names, where they were born and live, occupation.
- Previous foster homes or orphanage.
- Information about the time the child was in foster care or in an orphanage
- Adoptive family information.
- The story surrounding the adoption.
Include photographs, descriptive information, postcards, and other such momentos. The idea is to make it personal and special for the adopted child. Once the child gets older, let him add to it with artwork, journal entries and so forth.
There is no one right way to create a lifebook. Some lifebooks are scrapbooks filled with lots of photographs with cute captions with fancy artwork throughout. Others are like journals, written with words of love, dotted with occasional photographs and keepsakes. Every lifebook is as unique as the child whose story it tells.
Getting started is the hardest part. Creating a lifebook is a bonding experience because it is so personal. It speaks love to a child in a way that words cannot.
A Lifebook is Not to be Kept Stored Away
While many adoptive parents begin a lifebook for their child before he is old enough to read or write, don’t make the mistake of keeping it put up out of reach. A lifebook should become an old trusted friend to the child. Like a good reference book worn with use, a lifebook is the child’s link to knowledge about himself. Though it is wise to keep it safe from unnecessary wear and tear, bring it out often to read and enjoy- together.
