Answering Questions About an Adopted Child
Tips for Sharing Adoption Details With Friends and Family
Nov 6, 2009
By choosing to adopt, adoptive families often unknowingly put themselves into the spotlight. This is especially true of families who adopted transracially and are conspicuous to the public. Even though most questions are harmless, they do bring adoption stereotypes forward, providing adoptive families an opportunity to educate others.
Adoptive parents are often uncertain which information to disclose and how to address sensitive issues when talking about their adopted child with friends and family. By looking at different approaches to answering adoption questions and limiting the amount of information shared, adoptive parents can better handle intrusive adoption questions from others.
Ways to Answer Adoption Questions
Typically, adoptive parents choose one of three ways of sharing details about their adopted child when asked specific questions by friends and family.
- Using humour or sarcasm
- Providing general information about adoption processes and the adoptee’s situation
- Indicating that the information is private
Most of the time, it is in the adoptive parents' best interest to educate and inform friends and family members about adoption in general so they can understand the unique aspects of being an adoptive family.
Answering Intrusive Adoption Questions Effectively
When answering the questions of others, adoptive parents should deflect as much attention as possible away from the child by talking about adoption processes and being an adoptive family. If the questions are used as a starting point for general discussions about adoption, adoptive families are able to educate friends and family without going into detail about their child’s adoption.
It also becomes the responsibility of adoptive parents to correct outdated adoption terminology by using positive adoption language and phrases to answer questions. In addition, it is advisable for adoptive parents to always answer questions as if their adopted child was listening.
Disclosing Details About an Adoptee
When a child is adopted into a family, it is important to share some information with friends and family members such as the adoptee’s special needs or cultural heritage. However, adoptive parents have no obligation to tell others the birth or conception circumstances of the child or personal information about the birth family. Keeping the child’s privacy as a priority, adoptive parents should:
- Share only the details the adopted child already knows
- Take the lead from the adoptee about who to tell what
- Provide few details when the child is first adopted and fill in more information as appropriate
It is also very important for adoptive parents to always put the birth family in a positive light when talking to friends and family members. As a result, adoptive parents quite often have to address stereotypes when talking about the child’s birth parents.
Most friends and family members are genuinely curious about a child’s adoption and do not mean to offend the adoptive parents with their questions. What matters most is that the questions are answered in a way that protects the privacy of the adopted child and also educates others. For further information about answering adoption questions read Answering Questions About an Adoptee and Helping Adopted Kids Answer Adoption Questions.
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