Answering Questions About an Adoptee

Tips for Adoptive Parents to Explaine Adoption to Others

Nov 11, 2009 Angela Krueger

People are curious about adoption, but sometimes ask questions that can be intrusive and offensive. Here are some common questions adoptive parents can be prepared for.

Adoptive families often become spokespeople for adoption, usually by answering questions asked by friends, family members, acquaintances and sometimes strangers. Most of the time the person asking the question is genuinely curious about adoption, but sometimes the question is more direct and personal than adoptive parents are comfortable with.

By preparing for common adoption questions and having scripted answers for questions about the adoption process, as well as the child’s birth family and heritage, adoptive parents can educate others while also protecting their child’s privacy.

How to Prepare for Common Adoption Questions

Adoption questions usually take adoptive parents off guard regardless of whom they are asked by and when the question arises. The most uncomfortable questions focus on the adopted child and it is up to the adoptive parents to figure out a way to take the spotlight off their child. Fortunately, there are things that adoptive parents can do to feel better prepared and see these encounters as a way to educate others.

• Practice answers for frequently asked adoption questions
• Ask other adoptive parents how they handled similar situations
• Ask older adopted children for input
• Evaluate how a question was answered and make note of future improvements

The easiest way for adoptive parents to handle an unexpected adoption question is to ask the person why they are interested. Usually the person who asks has his own story to tell, even if it is just to comment on the influx of celebrity adoptions. This technique helps keep the conversation more general and protects the child’s privacy.

Common Questions About the Adoption Process

Much of what the general public knows about adoption comes from the media and unfortunately this may lead to misinformation. In some cases, people want to verify what they have heard about the adoption process because they are interested in pursuing adoption themselves. Some questions commonly asked include:

• How much did the child cost?
• How long was the wait for a baby?
• Why did her birth mother not want her?
• Can the birth mother take her back?
• When are you going to tell her that she is adopted?

Adoptive Families magazine has some great responses that may help adoptive families create their own scripted answers to these questions as well as an on-line support network of adoptive families. It is also advisable to talk to adopted children about why people ask questions about them and to teach them their own way of handling questions.

Common Questions About Birth Family and Heritage

There are often stereotypes associated with adoption that are perpetuated in the media that become apparent when people ask adoption questions. Many of these questions centre around the child’s birth parents and if the child was transculturally adopted, her heritage.

• Was her real mom a teenager?
• Was the baby addicted to drugs when she was born?
• Are they real sisters?
• Is she from Ethiopia? China? Central America?
• Does the baby speak English?
• Was she healthy when she was adopted?

Changes in adoption, such as openness, have raised more questions from the general public that are difficult for people to understand, especially if there is a generation gap between the person asking the question and the adoptive parents. This is also a good opportunity to educate others on politically correct adoption language.

In the preparation process for intrusive adoption questions, adoptive parents are not only educating others on adoption processes and stereotypes, they are reassuring the most important person of all – their child. For more tips on handling intrusive adoption questions, read Answering Questions About an Adopted Child and Helping Adopted Kids Answer Adoption Questions.

The copyright of the article Answering Questions About an Adoptee in Adoption is owned by Angela Krueger. Permission to republish Answering Questions About an Adoptee in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

People Are Curious About Adoptive Families