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Attachment and Bonding in AdoptionHelping Adopted Kids Feel Secure in Their Adoptive Families
Understanding the concepts of attachment and bonding, as well as the attachment cycle will help parents create positive and enduring connections with their adopted kids.
Bonding and attachment are two terms used to describe the process of an adopted child feeling secure in her new family. Often used interchangeably, the concepts are actually differentiated by adoption experts. Attachment versus BondingAs described in Raising Adopted Children, bonding is a “process that begins with the biological parent during pregnancy and continues through birth and the first few days of life.” This definition shows why an adopted child can feel a bond to her birth mother, but possibly not feel any attachment to her. Bond can also describe the close relationship kids have with teachers and friends with which they have shared important experiences and emotions. According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well. The Attachment CycleGray outlines in her book the attachment cycle that needs to occur in order for children to form positive attachments with their caregivers. When a child is distressed, she may show signs such as increased pulse, increased respiration, helplessness, hopelessness and enrage. When the adoptive parents enter the situation with food, physical contact and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants. Signs of Secure AttachmentThe attachment process can take weeks or years to develop, and in some cases there maybe attachment disorders for which therapy will be required. A good indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive parents can recognize the child’s needs. Melina writes in Raising Adopted Children, “Another sign of secure attachment is the child’s willingness to move away from the parent, returning to his parent during times of stress to regain the confidence he needs to be on his own again.” The parent’s ability to let the child go and explore is also an indication of secure attachment. Attachment is a never-ending process that begins with the arrival of the child and will continue to strengthen throughout the child’s life. Valuable resources are available on-line including discussion boards for attachment issues in adoption and information for fostering attachment with children adopted internationally. Related Articles:Attaching to Adopted Infants and Toddlers Attaching to Adopted School Age Kids Attaching to Adopted Preteens and Teens References:Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002. Melina, Lois Ruskai. Raising Adopted Children:Practical, Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent. NY: HarperCollins Publishers, 1998.
The copyright of the article Attachment and Bonding in Adoption in Adoption is owned by Angela Krueger. Permission to republish Attachment and Bonding in Adoption in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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