Celebrating Birth Mother's Day
Ways Adoptees and Adoptive Families Can Honour Birthmoms
Apr 17, 2009
Motherhood has been honoured for centuries with celebrations evolving from religious ceremonies to the secular flower-giving occasions of today. In the adoption world, honouring motherhood has even greater significance for both adoptive and birth mothers.
Birth Mother’s Day gives adoptees, adoptive families and birthparents an opportunity to reflect upon, grieve and celebrate the birthmom in their lives separately from the annual Mother’s Day traditions. Even though the occasion is not marked on calendars and Hallmark does not have a market for Birth Mother’s Day cards, it is important to recognize the women who gave birth to North America’s adopted and foster children.
History of Birth Mother’s Day
Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh, a birth mother in Seattle Washington, had the idea to formally recognize birth mothers as part of her healing process. The first gathering to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day was in 1990 by a group of birth mothers who attended a support group with Wolch-Marsh.
Many people in the adoption constellation have strong feelings about whether Birth Mother’s Day should be a day of celebration or a day of grieving. Others question why birth mothers need a day separate from Mother’s Day to be honoured. Even if an adoptive family, adoptee or birth mother chooses not to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day, the occasion does serve one important purpose – it creates public awareness of birth mothers.
How to Celebrate Birth Mother’s Day
Choosing to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day raises interesting questions for every type of adoption.
- Do families in an open adoption have an obligation to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day?
- How can children who were adopted internationally honour a birth mother they have no information about?
- Are adult adoptees expected to recognize both Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day?
- How can adopted and foster children who have no contact with their birth mother mark the occasion?
The choice to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day is up to the individual adoptive family, adoptee and birthmom, and the way in which to recognize the day is a choice as well.
Recognizing Birth Mother’s Day
For adoptees and adoptive parents looking for ways to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day, here are some ideas.
- Write letters or send a card to birthmom. Even if it is not possible to send the letter to the birth mother, the writing process still honours her.
- Send flowers with a note to a birthmom who has not yet connected with her child’s adoptive family.
- Give a meaningful gift such as a craft made by the adopted child or a token of a shared experience such as a soundtrack to a mutually favourite movie.
- Reflect and talk about the possible experience of a child’s birth mother. If talking is difficult, writing in a journal is helpful for some adoptees.
- Write an editorial in the newspaper dispelling the stereotypes society has about birth mothers.
- Attend a support group or special event dedicated to Birth Mother’s Day. Some birth mother organizations host annual events.
Birth Mother’s Day gives adoptive parents, adoptees and birth mothers a special occasion to heal, grieve and educate others about the importance of birth mothers. Whether there is an annual celebration or a private cry on a secluded park bench on that Saturday in May, what matters most is that a birth mother is being honoured.
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