Considering an Open Adoption
Open Adoption Can be the Right Choice for Your Family
How a child adopted from your state agency can reap benefits from an open or semi-open adoption. How the benefits to the child can far outweight any negative outcome.
If you have adopted or are considering adopting a child from your state Department of Child Welfare an open adoption should be a consideration. Most if not all of these children have had, or do still have visitation with biological family and keeping these ties can be a benefit to all involved. You child will not suffer from more losses due to losing these ties and if their siblings involved they will not have to suffer more losses either. Many times the state will try and place siblings together, but there are times that this is not possible. Visitation will often continue though, and it can be detrimental to all of these children to lose this familial tie.
An open adoption website states that open adoption can be defined as, “Open adoption is an adoption that allows for an ongoing relationship among the birth family, adoptive family, and adoptee. There are several degrees of openness, and often, these are erroneously referred to as "open" adoption; however, they are actually less than fully open and range from an exchange of names between placing and adopting parents, to regular exchanges of letters and photos, either directly or through a third party.
Upon becoming prospective adoptive parents your first impulse may be to say that the child is now yours and you see no reason to continue any biological ties; but there are many factors to consider before severing these ties. Your most important consideration should be for the child who is becoming part of your “forever family”. Does this child have a strong bond with any members of his or her biological family, whether direct or extended? Will severing all ties cause any undo stress to your child? Could severing the ties cause negativity to biological siblings? There are so many people who are in the periphery of an adoption; it is a lot to think about for the most discerning adoptive parent.
The suggestion here is not to have your new family grow even more by including biological members of your new child’s family; but rather offering to maintain contact through letters, pictures, and an occasional visit. This can give the biological family some peace that the child who once belonged to them is being well cared for, and it can also lead to a more open dialog for the adults. You may be able to discern more family history and information than was initially disclosed to the state agency. You can also have an opportunity to gain more insights to family history, which can become important to your child as he or she grows up.
In the past adoptions were mainly all closed, with only non-identifying information being given to the adoptive family; more and more websites, magazines and television talk shows are filled with young adults who are on a quest for their biological families. They want to know why they were adopted, or they simply want to know where they came from.
Making a verbal agreement to the very least you are willing to accept is a great start. You can add more for as long as the biological family wants to maintain contact. Many biological parents start off wanting to keep the contact but as time goes on they move through their loss process and lose interest in the child who was taken from them for whatever reason. It is the siblings and grandparents who should be given careful consideration. Most are innocent of any wrongdoing, as are many parents, and they may simply wish to maintain a contact, or a friendship with your new family. They are not there to steal the child back from you, but just to keep that biological tie from being completely severed.
Don’t extend an olive branch for more than you are comfortable with, but considering an open adoption can go a long way to make two very happy families, rather than just one.
