Issues for Adopted Kids Starting School
Common Fears for Adoptees Entering Kindergarten
Aug 19, 2009
Entering kindergarten is a major life change for most children, but adopted kids may have extra concerns about school stemming from their adoption. Sometimes children are able to talk to their adoptive families about their fears, but often adopted kids cannot articulate what is really bothering them. In these cases, it is up to the adoptive parents to note changes in behaviour and talk to their children about their anxieties. Here are some behaviours that adoptive parents of children starting kindergarten can watch for:
- General irritability
- Excessive crying or tantrums
- Unusual desire to be alone
- Change in attitude
- Separation anxiety
Although all of these behaviours are common for non-adopted children to experience when stressed, adopted kids have a layer of issues relating to adoption that might be making fears about starting school more prominent. By addressing their concerns about change and working to build confidence, adopted children will be better prepared to handle the transition to kindergarten.
Understanding the Life Changes of an Adopted Child
Most children are a bit anxious about starting school, but for an adopted child the anxiety may be more deeply rooted in changes that the child has already experienced her life. For an adoption to happen, think about the major changes an adopted child experiences:
- New caregivers and parents
- Separation from siblings as well as gaining new ones
- Surname and possible given name changes
- Different home and bedroom
- New belongings and toys
- Different foods and family routines
For some adopted kids, starting kindergarten may lead them to believe they will need to change their name or that they will be moving to a new house or possibly that their birthparents will reclaim them. To help overcome these fears, adoptive parents can read books to their child to reaffirm the concepts of permanency and unconditional love, such as The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn [Tanglewood Press, 2007].
In addition to talking daily about what the child can expect from school, it is very important to emphasize what is going to remain the same. It is recommended to set-up and talk about the consistent routine of how the child will get to school, who will come to pick her up and when she can expect to see her parents. The structure will help the adoptee understand that her home is permanent and that everything stays the same while she is at school.
Empowering Adopted Children to Create Confidence
There are many reasons adopted children have low self esteem and adoptive parents need to be proactive in helping to build and protect their child’s confidence. Fears such as handling intrusive questions, not being liked and feeling different from peers can be dealt with before the child enters kindergarten. Here are some ideas:
- Prepare her with answers to questions from classmates about adoption.
- Role play how to join classmates in an activity.
- Talk to the teacher about the child’s confidence and suggest the child be partnered with a student who can help.
- Set-up playdates with classmates early in the school year to help build friendships for the adopted child.
General preparation for kindergarten will also help an adopted child’s confidence be boosted for school.
It is important to note that although it is common for adoption issues to rise when an adopted child starts school, not all adopted kids have a difficult transition to kindergarten. By being aware of signs of anxiety, being sensitive to changes in the child’s life and helping to build confidence, adoptive parents can give their child the solid foundation she needs to be successful in school.
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