The main fear of people hoping to adopt through the private domestic process is that the birthmother will choose to parent her baby rather than going through with an adoption plan.
How Many Birthmothers Change Their Minds about Adoption?
It is difficult to determine how many adoption reversals take place each year in Canada and the US, as birthmothers may change their minds during pregnancy, before the baby is placed with an adoptive family and in some cases after being in the adoptive home.
When Christine Adamec was doing the research for The Adoption Option Complete Handbook [Prima Lifestyles, 1999], she found adoption agencies reported very few birthmothers change their minds once the baby is placed with the adoptive parents they have chosen.
Reasons a Birthmom May Change Her Mind
Adoption professionals are not able to predict if a birthmother will go through with an adoption, but there are some signs that may indicate that a birthmom is not sure about her decision to have an adoption plan for her baby.
- She is 16 years old or younger.
- She has not completed high school.
- She lives at home with her parents.
- She lives with the birthfather of the child.
- She was raised by a single mom.
- Her mom does not support the adoption plan.
- She is married.
- She has other children living with her.
- She lives in an urban centre.
- Her family is willing to help her raise the baby.
- She has no immediate future plans for career or education.
- She is not a member of a particular religious faith.
- She did not receive appropriate counseling to help her reach a decision.
- She has experienced a lot of losses her life such as divorce, death of parents or her own adoption losses.
- Factors in her life changed to allow her to parent such as securing a place to live or her husband being supportive of keeping a baby from an affair.
Many of these factors may seem like good reasons for a birthmom to make an adoption plan for her baby, however she may not see it that way. For example, a birthmom who was adopted her self she may want a biological connection despite her living circumstances.
Another woman who has friends who are single parents may feel she has the support to raise a child alone. Birthparents who are in their 30s or 40s may not realize what they are giving up until the baby is actually born. Every situation is unique and adoptive parents need to be prepared for all possible outcomes.
As there are many reasons for a birthmom not to go through with an adoption, it is important for adoptive parents to remember that there is nothing they could have done to prevent a birthmother from changing her mind. For more information on adoption issues read Understanding Loss in Adoption.
References
Melina, Loi Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience. New York: HarperPerennial, 1993.
