Are you and your spouse mentally and emotionally prepared for a journey into adoption?
What is your motivation to adopt? If you are choosing adoption due to infertility, it is vitally important to make sure that you have worked through the grief of not being able to have a biological child. Couples who consider adoption to be an inferior choice to having a child who is biologically connected to them do their adopted child a great disservice. Seek counseling from a mental health professional to work through the sense of loss and failure that is often associated with infertility if you, or your spouse, are experiencing any of these emotions -- before you look to adoption.
How will adoption affect your closest relationships? Adoption, like childbirth, adds a whole new dimension to your life, and the lives of those in your immediate family.
Many of the same things that you would take into consideration when planning to have a biological child are the same things that need to be determined when in the beginning stages of the adoption process, maybe to an even greater extent.
Will your extended family accept an adopted child? Consider this: how often have you said that little Johnny has Grandfather’s nose, or Mother’s smile, or loves music just like Aunt Ruth? We all naturally make comparisons to others within our family structure. It gives us a sense of belonging. When an adopted child is added to the family, it may feel awkward. Even more so if the child is of a different race or has a disability. Will the family be able to accept an adopted child?
Also, don’t forget to take into account your adopted child as well. When the child is small it may not seem too noticeable to him; however, as he grows and notices the differences, how will you handle this with your child without harming his self-esteem? Think of ways you can embrace the differences, now, so you will not be caught off-guard later.
Other questions to ask yourselves are:
If you are considering adopting a child who is not an infant, ask yourself:
These questions are not meant to deter you from adopting, rather they are meant to prepare you for the roller coaster ride that is unique to adoption. The decision to adopt is not one that should be taken lightly; however, with a little forethought and planning, adoption is a wonderful choice!