The Emotional Aspect of Adopting
How to Determine if You are Psychologically Ready to Adopt
Are you and your spouse mentally and emotionally prepared for a journey into adoption?
Adoption Motivation
What is your motivation to adopt? If you are choosing adoption due to infertility, it is vitally important to make sure that you have worked through the grief of not being able to have a biological child. Couples who consider adoption to be an inferior choice to having a child who is biologically connected to them do their adopted child a great disservice. Seek counseling from a mental health professional to work through the sense of loss and failure that is often associated with infertility if you, or your spouse, are experiencing any of these emotions -- before you look to adoption.
Adoption and Your Closest Relationships
How will adoption affect your closest relationships? Adoption, like childbirth, adds a whole new dimension to your life, and the lives of those in your immediate family.
- Is your marriage stable? Can it survive the stresses of adding a child?
- If you already have children, how will they cope with another child in the family?
Many of the same things that you would take into consideration when planning to have a biological child are the same things that need to be determined when in the beginning stages of the adoption process, maybe to an even greater extent.
Extended Family and an Adopted Child
Will your extended family accept an adopted child? Consider this: how often have you said that little Johnny has Grandfather’s nose, or Mother’s smile, or loves music just like Aunt Ruth? We all naturally make comparisons to others within our family structure. It gives us a sense of belonging. When an adopted child is added to the family, it may feel awkward. Even more so if the child is of a different race or has a disability. Will the family be able to accept an adopted child?
Also, don’t forget to take into account your adopted child as well. When the child is small it may not seem too noticeable to him; however, as he grows and notices the differences, how will you handle this with your child without harming his self-esteem? Think of ways you can embrace the differences, now, so you will not be caught off-guard later.
Further Considerations Before You Adopt
Other questions to ask yourselves are:
- Can you accept a child that is not biologically yours?
- If you have birth children already, will you be able to consider your adopted child as being equal to your biological children?
Older Child Adoption
If you are considering adopting a child who is not an infant, ask yourself:
- Are we, as a family, able to withstand the emotional and behavioral challenges that an older child often brings with them into their new family?
- Do we have adequate resources that we can turn to, and are we willing to reach out to therapists or other professionals if it becomes more than we can deal with ourselves?
- Can we still love a child who likely will not love us in return in the near future?
Adoption is a Wonderful Choice
These questions are not meant to deter you from adopting, rather they are meant to prepare you for the roller coaster ride that is unique to adoption. The decision to adopt is not one that should be taken lightly; however, with a little forethought and planning, adoption is a wonderful choice!
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