Waiting for an Adopted Child
Projects to Help Pass the Time for Future Adoptive Parents
Oct 24, 2007
Adoptive families have the unique situation that they do not usually have a due date around which they can expect their lives to change. Adoption processes can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years to be completed and the wait can be unbearable. Here are some things future parents can do to help pass the time.
Get the Adopted Child’s Room Ready
Spend time painting and decorating the child’s bedroom. If adopting an older child, consider finishing the room in neutral tones, so the soon-to-be son or daughter can add his or her own special touches when they move in. In the case of a newborn adoption, it is a good idea to borrow baby items at first in case the adoption does not go through.
Read About Making Transitions Easier for Adoptees
Depending on the age of the child expected, parents will want to be prepared for the transition issues that will arise. Lois Ruskai Melina suggests things parents can do to help with the major changes that happen through adoption in her book Raising Adopted Children and also in her contributions to Adoptive Families magazine. Even in the adoption of an infant, it will be important to make a list of questions to ask the child’s present caregiver, so the transition between homes is as smooth as possible.
Start a Baby Book or Life Book
This project can be as easy as starting a new photo album with e-mails, letters, photos, mementos and records for and about the child so information about the child's past is saved and new information can be recorded.
Research Programs and Activities for the Child
If the child is school aged, investigate school registration processes and activities he or she may be interested in. If it is logistically possible, consider allowing the child to play with the same team he or she may already belong to. In the case of infant or toddler adoption, explore special bonding activities such as infant massage, swimming lessons, library programs and playgroups.
Research Cultural Traditions
If the child has a different cultural background than the adoptive parents, it will be important for the adoptive parents to begin integrating that culture into their home. Adoptive families can learn some key phrases in the child’s birth language, research recipes from his or her country of origin and buy art, music, and literature that represent the child’s heritage.
Attend Parenting Seminars and Workshops
Quite often future adoptive parents focus so much of their research on how to adopt, that they have not had the time to prepare themselves for general parenting issues. There are on-line parenting courses offered by Kretzmann Family Consulting that meet the requirements of adoption agencies and will help future adoptive parents be prepared for the parenting journey.
Join a Support Group or Talk to Someone About the Waiting
Sharing the wait with someone who is going through the same thing can be very helpful. Both the Adoption Council of Canada and the National Council for Adoption have links on their websites to various support groups.
Plan a Forever Family or Gotcha Day
Think about how to celebrate having the child come home. Keep in mind that having too many people around the first few days of the child’s homecoming will be overwhelming for the newest family member. Also consider how to celebrate the anniversary of this very important day in years to come.
Take Care of Yourself
Start a hobby or activity that will be easy to continue when the child arrives. The social network will be important and the activity will give much needed personal time to new parents.
Finish Projects
Many future adoptive parents need a distraction while waiting for the adoption process to be completed. Projects such as organizing photo albums, finishing a room, or creating a special gift for a long awaited child can be very fulfilling and will help pass the time.
Bringing a child home is a wonderful thing to anticipate and this time can be full of excitement, challenges and heartbreaking moments. The main thing to remember throughout the waiting time is that the heart does truly grow fonder and a warm heart full of love is the best thing a child can receive.
 |
