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Posted by Crystal Killion Jun 5, 2008 |
One misconception that adoptive parents often have is that they will instantly bond with their new child. While it is possible to feel a sense of ownership (as in “this is my child”) actual bonding takes time- for the both of you.
Bonding, even for very young children, may take much longer to develop than it takes for the parent to bond to the child. Remember, adopted children have suffered the loss of their birth parents, and even infants can experience attachment problems with their adoptive parents. It is important to allow the child all the time he needs to form an attachment to you. I have heard it said that it typically takes one year per year of age the child is when he enters his new family to form a bond with them. In other words, if the child is two years old when he is adopted, it will take an average of two years for this child to bond with his adoptive family. Attachment may take even longer for children who have had multiple caregivers.
Adoptive parents also shouldn’t overlook their own need to allow time in forming an attachment to their new child. I personally found that the bonding experience was much different with each of my adopted children.
We brought our youngest daughter home from the hospital and the bonding time was relatively short. Our youngest son was seven months old when we got him, and it took at little longer. The oldest is taking much longer, more on his end than mine; however, the process is very different from my other adoptions. Each adoption situation is unique. Your experience will likely be much different from someone else’s, so don’t be discouraged if things take longer than you expected.
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