Adoption
- Birth Mother's Day
- National Foster Care Month
- Summer is Almost Here
- Adoption Myth #1
- Feeling Depressed After Adopting
- Tax Season Can Be Educational
- I Forgot My Son was Adopted
- Easter Day Brings Excitement
- My Personal Lifebook Journey
- Adoption Information Meetings
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
Birth mothers have been given a bad rap, but it has been my experience that the majority are giving and selfless. Honor a birth mother this Saturday, May 10.
The Saturday before Mother’s Day is a day that is set aside to honor birth mothers.
I want to take this occasion to say a few words about birth mothers, in their defense. They have been made out in the media as selfish, abusive, heartless women who just want to sell their babies for drug money. It doesn’t help that there are a few truly bad ones whose actions have solidified society’s view of birth mothers. However, there are bad apples in every group. Most people will attest to the fact that there are people among them who give their group or organization, and themselves by association, a bad name.
Yes, there are birth mothers who deserve this dim view. Those who have abused, abandoned, and neglected their children. There are just too many options available to women who don’t feel they can parent their child.
However, these types of birth mothers, in my humble opinion, are not the norm. In fact, most birth mothers place their children for adoption out of an abundance of love and concern for their child. They want their baby to have what they cannot give them. They dream of a better life, more opportunities, and a good education for their child. I’ve heard birth mother’s rejoice when they hear of the vacations their child got to go on, and private schools they are attending, and nice clothing they wear. That, my friend, is selflessness.
So, this Birth Mother’s Day, hats off to my heroes: the selfless and giving birth mothers, who gave their children life- not once, but twice- and then blessed a thankful family with the gift of a child. May you find the happiness, peace, and love that you deserve- my dear Birth Mom. Happy Birth Mother’s Day!
I want to take this occasion to say a few words about birth mothers, in their defense. They have been made out in the media as selfish, abusive, heartless women who just want to sell their babies for drug money. It doesn’t help that there are a few truly bad ones whose actions have solidified society’s view of birth mothers. However, there are bad apples in every group. Most people will attest to the fact that there are people among them who give their group or organization, and themselves by association, a bad name.
Yes, there are birth mothers who deserve this dim view. Those who have abused, abandoned, and neglected their children. There are just too many options available to women who don’t feel they can parent their child.
However, these types of birth mothers, in my humble opinion, are not the norm. In fact, most birth mothers place their children for adoption out of an abundance of love and concern for their child. They want their baby to have what they cannot give them. They dream of a better life, more opportunities, and a good education for their child. I’ve heard birth mother’s rejoice when they hear of the vacations their child got to go on, and private schools they are attending, and nice clothing they wear. That, my friend, is selflessness.
So, this Birth Mother’s Day, hats off to my heroes: the selfless and giving birth mothers, who gave their children life- not once, but twice- and then blessed a thankful family with the gift of a child. May you find the happiness, peace, and love that you deserve- my dear Birth Mom. Happy Birth Mother’s Day!
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
May is National Foster Care Month.
Foster parents are often under appreciated and under paid. They do a job that most people do not want to do, as evidenced by the major shortage of foster families nationwide.
So, if you know a foster parent, commemorate National Foster Care Month by showing him or her that you appreciate their sacrifice for needy and traumatized children.
Here are some ideas to get you started showing your appreciation to the foster parents you know:
So, if you know a foster parent, commemorate National Foster Care Month by showing him or her that you appreciate their sacrifice for needy and traumatized children.
Here are some ideas to get you started showing your appreciation to the foster parents you know:
- Have them over for dinner
- Give them a gift card to a nice restaurant or to a movie theater
- Offer to baby-sit so they can have some time out without the children
- Donate money in their name to a charity that helps foster children
- Volunteer to help with the laundry or other household chores
- Hire a housekeeper for a day to clean their house
- Help transport foster children to appointments, school, visitation
- Provide a shoulder to cry on; or a listening, non-judgmental ear
- Pray for them and the family
- Send/ email a card of encouragement
- Purchase a subscription for them to a foster parenting magazine, such as: Fostering Families Today.
- Give them a hug or a pat on the back, and tell them that they are doing a great job
- Send them a thank-you card
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
Keeping foster and adopted children busy during the summer months can be a challenge.
I don’t know about you, but I kind of dread the long, hot summer months when tempers flare more easily, and I hear the constant whine of “Mom, I’m bored!” I find that my older adopted son is especially challenging, as were my foster children when I was a foster parent.
So, this year I am equipping myself with a list of cheap, easy, and educational activities for them to choose from:
So, this year I am equipping myself with a list of cheap, easy, and educational activities for them to choose from:
- Phone, write, or email a friend
- Draw or paint a picture
- Draw a cartoon strip
- Ride your bike or scooter
- Read a book
- Write a story or poem
- Turn on some music and dance
- Play in the water hose
- Have a water gun fight (with willing siblings or friends)
- Do something nice for someone else
- Read to your younger brother and sister
- Write a song
- Play a board game with your siblings or firends
- Go bird-watching
- Take a walk
- Draw with sidewalk chalk
- Play with clay or play-doh
- Make something with craft items
- Play with K’Nex, Legos, or Lincoln Logs
- Build an obstacle course and race against your friends to complete
- Have a tea party
- Hunt for bugs and look at them under a magnifying glass
- Catch butterflies
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
You don’t have to be rich to adopt. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Our family has adopted three times; twice through the foster care system and once by private domestic adoption. I have heard two statements, in one form or another, said many times. The first statement is, “You must be rich”, and the second is, “I would love to adopt, but I can’t afford it.”
Well, I can assure you that we are not rich. You do not have to be rich to adopt. In fact, adopting from the foster care system costs little to nothing for the adoptive family. Even a private domestic adoption doesn’t need to cost thousands of dollars. I have heard of private domestic adoptions costing as little as $2,000-3,000.
So, my advice is:
Well, I can assure you that we are not rich. You do not have to be rich to adopt. In fact, adopting from the foster care system costs little to nothing for the adoptive family. Even a private domestic adoption doesn’t need to cost thousands of dollars. I have heard of private domestic adoptions costing as little as $2,000-3,000.
So, my advice is:
- Learn as much about adoption as possible- all aspects.
- Research your options.
- Shop around before hiring an attorney, a facilitator, or an agency. Also, shop around before hiring someone to conduct your home study. Even if you choose to contract with an adoption agency, you can usually find a licensed social worker who can do your home study for much less than those who are contracted to do them for the agency.
Feeling Depressed After Adopting
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
Adoption is a life-changing experience. It’s only natural to have mixed emotions.
After I adopted my newborn daughter, I was surprised to find myself crying for no reason. I felt depressed, moody, and absolutely worn-out. On top of that, I felt terribly guilty for having these feelings. After all, I had longed for another baby for years. My husband and I tried everything before turning to adoption and now here she was- our dream come true! What was wrong with me?
Post-Adoption Depression
Well, like an estimated 65% of adoptive parents, I was suffering from Post-Adoption Depression (PADS). It is similar to postpartum depression, yet very few adoption or mental health professionals recognize PADS as an actual condition. I was completely caught off-guard and alone.
How I Coped
First, I got online and armed myself with knowledge. I learned about PADS and gathered suggestions for combating it.
Next, I began to take better care of myself physically, napped when baby was napping, and relaxed my housekeeping standards for a little while. In other words, I did what any new mother should do: I took it easy while I adjusted to my new life.
Then, I networked with other adoptive parents. One such resource for me was a lady from my homeschool group who had also adopted, and had experienced many of the same symptoms that I was suffering from. I was able to draw support from her, which helped tremendously.
Adoption is a Life-Changing Experience
If you find that you need to seek professional help, allow yourself to do so without guilt. Make the time to network with other adoptive parents, either by connecting with a local support group, or online. Finally, don’t compare yourself to others! Everyone reacts differently to major life changes.
Happily, I went on to adopt two more children and haven’t looked back!
Post-Adoption Depression
Well, like an estimated 65% of adoptive parents, I was suffering from Post-Adoption Depression (PADS). It is similar to postpartum depression, yet very few adoption or mental health professionals recognize PADS as an actual condition. I was completely caught off-guard and alone.
How I Coped
First, I got online and armed myself with knowledge. I learned about PADS and gathered suggestions for combating it.
Next, I began to take better care of myself physically, napped when baby was napping, and relaxed my housekeeping standards for a little while. In other words, I did what any new mother should do: I took it easy while I adjusted to my new life.
Then, I networked with other adoptive parents. One such resource for me was a lady from my homeschool group who had also adopted, and had experienced many of the same symptoms that I was suffering from. I was able to draw support from her, which helped tremendously.
Adoption is a Life-Changing Experience
If you find that you need to seek professional help, allow yourself to do so without guilt. Make the time to network with other adoptive parents, either by connecting with a local support group, or online. Finally, don’t compare yourself to others! Everyone reacts differently to major life changes.
Happily, I went on to adopt two more children and haven’t looked back!
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
A simple explanation about how the Adoption Tax Credit works.
Well, I finally got our taxes done and filed. I just couldn’t come up with any more excuses to hold off any longer.
Again this year, we qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit, since the adoption of our son was finalized in July of 2007. Although this is not the first time we have received the tax credit, I was still a little vague on the exact way the credit worked.
The first year we received the credit, our tax prep gal gave us the standard answer; however, last week I read the explanation that TurboTax has on their website and really understood it like I hadn’t before.
One thing that really had confused me was the term tax credit. My thinking was that we would receive any money over the amount of the taxes we owed. Not true. What happens is that when you qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit, the amount of the credit (which this year is a maximum of $11,390) is applied to any tax burden you have, then the remainder is rolled over to the next year, thus making your tax burden $0. In other words, if you owe the IRS $6,000 in taxes, the credit will be applied to that amount thus reducing your tax burden to $0, and then the remaining portion rolled over to the next year. The credit can be rolled over for a maximum of five years before it expires.
So, I guess doing my own taxes had a plus side to it- I learned something new. Now it’s time for my annual tax year resolution (that I never seem to keep)- “I will keep track of my receipts throughout the year, and record them each month, instead of waiting until the last minute.”
Again this year, we qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit, since the adoption of our son was finalized in July of 2007. Although this is not the first time we have received the tax credit, I was still a little vague on the exact way the credit worked.
The first year we received the credit, our tax prep gal gave us the standard answer; however, last week I read the explanation that TurboTax has on their website and really understood it like I hadn’t before.
One thing that really had confused me was the term tax credit. My thinking was that we would receive any money over the amount of the taxes we owed. Not true. What happens is that when you qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit, the amount of the credit (which this year is a maximum of $11,390) is applied to any tax burden you have, then the remainder is rolled over to the next year, thus making your tax burden $0. In other words, if you owe the IRS $6,000 in taxes, the credit will be applied to that amount thus reducing your tax burden to $0, and then the remaining portion rolled over to the next year. The credit can be rolled over for a maximum of five years before it expires.
So, I guess doing my own taxes had a plus side to it- I learned something new. Now it’s time for my annual tax year resolution (that I never seem to keep)- “I will keep track of my receipts throughout the year, and record them each month, instead of waiting until the last minute.”
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
At first I felt silly that I forgot that my son was adopted, and then it occurred to me why.
The other day I forgot that my three year old son is adopted. Honestly, I just plum forgot! I was looking at a picture of myself of when I was a child that, to me anyway, looks amazingly like my adopted son. I proudly showed the photo to everyone who would take a peek. In the meantime, I would go on and on about how he looks like my side of the family, has the same hair color as I did at his age, similar features, and so on.
Finally it hit me – he’s adopted! At first I felt silly at how I had gone on about the resemblance. Obviously everyone else knew he was adopted and I felt sheepish that I was dotting on my son like a . . . like a . . . mother. Like a mother! That is the beautiful thing about a mother’s love. A mother’s love sees the heart and soul of her child, not whose blood is coursing through his or her veins.
Adoption is like labor and delivery, it is hard work! Anyone who believes that adopting is easier than childbirth has never had the two to compare to each other. I have been blessed enough to experience both and, in my humble opinion, childbirth is way easier.
However, like a mother who has struggled through hours of pain to finally have it give way to joy, the turmoil of the adoption journey does fade away in light of the beautiful child you then call your very own. You forget the pain, and what you do remember makes your love for him that much stronger.
So it is no wonder that I forgot that my dear little boy was adopted because he is very much mine.
Finally it hit me – he’s adopted! At first I felt silly at how I had gone on about the resemblance. Obviously everyone else knew he was adopted and I felt sheepish that I was dotting on my son like a . . . like a . . . mother. Like a mother! That is the beautiful thing about a mother’s love. A mother’s love sees the heart and soul of her child, not whose blood is coursing through his or her veins.
Adoption is like labor and delivery, it is hard work! Anyone who believes that adopting is easier than childbirth has never had the two to compare to each other. I have been blessed enough to experience both and, in my humble opinion, childbirth is way easier.
However, like a mother who has struggled through hours of pain to finally have it give way to joy, the turmoil of the adoption journey does fade away in light of the beautiful child you then call your very own. You forget the pain, and what you do remember makes your love for him that much stronger.
So it is no wonder that I forgot that my dear little boy was adopted because he is very much mine.
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
Children add joy and wonder to any holiday. This year, I am especially looking forward to the Easter celebration with my family.
Ahhh . . . spring is almost here! I love this time of year. I am excitedly looking forward to Easter. We have family coming in from out-of-town and we’re planning an Easter egg hunt. I must admit that I have become caught up in everything Easter and I love it!
I Grieved the Baby I Could Not Have
I struggled with secondary infertility for years before we were able to adopt my, now, three year old daughter. My “baby” at the time was 11. I missed the pitter-patter of little feet, the toys strewn across the floor, and the thrill of seeing the world through tiny eyes.
I especially grieved during the holidays. Yes, I deeply loved my daughters (still do), but in my heart I knew something was missing and I couldn’t get over it. There is a special joy that young ones add to the celebration, a sense of wonder and delight that is contagious. No, this isn’t the only reason I wanted another child, that’s a story for another blog day. However, each holiday that came and went only reminded my husband and I of what we longed so desperately for—a baby. Now we have been blessed with not one- but two little ones!
Looking Forward to This Easter
This Easter, I am looking forward to hearing their squeals of delight when they first glimpse their baskets on Easter morning, and watching their excitement when they discover their first egg during the Easter egg hunt. I took for granted so many little things when my older daughters were young. Now, I savor every moment knowing that it too soon becomes a distant memory. To me, every day is a miracle with my precious children- each and every one of them.
Wishing you a joyous and wonder-filled Easter!
I Grieved the Baby I Could Not Have
I struggled with secondary infertility for years before we were able to adopt my, now, three year old daughter. My “baby” at the time was 11. I missed the pitter-patter of little feet, the toys strewn across the floor, and the thrill of seeing the world through tiny eyes.
I especially grieved during the holidays. Yes, I deeply loved my daughters (still do), but in my heart I knew something was missing and I couldn’t get over it. There is a special joy that young ones add to the celebration, a sense of wonder and delight that is contagious. No, this isn’t the only reason I wanted another child, that’s a story for another blog day. However, each holiday that came and went only reminded my husband and I of what we longed so desperately for—a baby. Now we have been blessed with not one- but two little ones!
Looking Forward to This Easter
This Easter, I am looking forward to hearing their squeals of delight when they first glimpse their baskets on Easter morning, and watching their excitement when they discover their first egg during the Easter egg hunt. I took for granted so many little things when my older daughters were young. Now, I savor every moment knowing that it too soon becomes a distant memory. To me, every day is a miracle with my precious children- each and every one of them.
Wishing you a joyous and wonder-filled Easter!
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
I was reluctant to begin a lifebook for my son because I thought it was too complicated. Not anymore. I love lifebooks!
In a recent article, I discuss the reasons that creating a lifebook for your adopted child, or foster child, is so helpful to them-and you.
When we adopted my daughter I bought a baby book for her. She was a newborn, so this worked out alright, though certain pages were a bit awkward. The pregnancy and labor pages for instance. However, I managed and faithfully jotted down all her firsts.
When we began the process of adopting our next child I wanted a special book for him, too. I knew about lifebooks, but I had no idea where to start. I am not a “craftsy” person and I imagined a lifebook being similar to a scrapbook. I loved my son and didn’t want to cheat him, so off I went to the scrapbook store.
I bought every gizmo and gadget that the lady at the store convinced me I “had to have”. Well, to make a long story short, I quickly burned out. For me there had to be a better way.
Now, with all three of my adopted children, I find that each lifebook is different. The younger children have “baby-ish” books that seem a little cluttered but has all their special mementos tucked inside: special memories, locks of hair, their first water color painting, and lots of photos.
My older son, age 12, is putting together his own lifebook. He has learned about his birth family, our family and himself. We have grown closer each time we work on it, even when the hard questions come up. In fact, I think we bond more during those tough moments. Kids trust honesty and openness.
Creating a lifebook with your child will make memories and create bonds. A lifebook is a life-changing experience. Why not start today?
When we adopted my daughter I bought a baby book for her. She was a newborn, so this worked out alright, though certain pages were a bit awkward. The pregnancy and labor pages for instance. However, I managed and faithfully jotted down all her firsts.
When we began the process of adopting our next child I wanted a special book for him, too. I knew about lifebooks, but I had no idea where to start. I am not a “craftsy” person and I imagined a lifebook being similar to a scrapbook. I loved my son and didn’t want to cheat him, so off I went to the scrapbook store.
I bought every gizmo and gadget that the lady at the store convinced me I “had to have”. Well, to make a long story short, I quickly burned out. For me there had to be a better way.
Now, with all three of my adopted children, I find that each lifebook is different. The younger children have “baby-ish” books that seem a little cluttered but has all their special mementos tucked inside: special memories, locks of hair, their first water color painting, and lots of photos.
My older son, age 12, is putting together his own lifebook. He has learned about his birth family, our family and himself. We have grown closer each time we work on it, even when the hard questions come up. In fact, I think we bond more during those tough moments. Kids trust honesty and openness.
Creating a lifebook with your child will make memories and create bonds. A lifebook is a life-changing experience. Why not start today?
Posted by
Crystal Killion
Crystal Killion
International adoption information meetings are a great way to learn more about international adoption and connect with other prospective adoptive parents.
If you are interested in international adoption, there are several informational meetings scheduled for March and April around the United States.
Attending an adoption information meeting is a great way to get started in your adoption journey. They will not only provide information about the agency that is hosting it, but will also educate you about the process of adopting from another country, and answer many of the questions you have about it.
These meetings are also a great way to meet and connect with other prospective adoptive parents.
I have put together a list of the many agencies that are holding adoption information meetings. Hopefully you will be able to find one near you. This isn’t a complete list by any means, so if you don’t find the agency you are interested in listed, contact them to see if they plan to hold an informational meeting near you.
Also, most of these agencies do not require that you are contracted with them in order to attend- they are open to the public. Though some do require advance registration. Note: by listing these agencies I am not necessarily endorsing them. Always research an agency before you contract with them.
Holt International
Children's Hope International
Bethany Christian Services
China's Children Adoption
Dillon International, Inc.
Building Blocks Adoption Service, Inc.
Alliance for Children
Attending an adoption information meeting is a great way to get started in your adoption journey. They will not only provide information about the agency that is hosting it, but will also educate you about the process of adopting from another country, and answer many of the questions you have about it.
These meetings are also a great way to meet and connect with other prospective adoptive parents.
I have put together a list of the many agencies that are holding adoption information meetings. Hopefully you will be able to find one near you. This isn’t a complete list by any means, so if you don’t find the agency you are interested in listed, contact them to see if they plan to hold an informational meeting near you.
Also, most of these agencies do not require that you are contracted with them in order to attend- they are open to the public. Though some do require advance registration. Note: by listing these agencies I am not necessarily endorsing them. Always research an agency before you contract with them.
Holt International
Children's Hope International
Bethany Christian Services
China's Children Adoption
Dillon International, Inc.
Building Blocks Adoption Service, Inc.
Alliance for Children
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